AI Girlfriends? "Yuck, just...yuck!"
How my female friends responded to an ad for a female AI "companion"
Thank you for your patience, I am recently returned from a fortnight's holiday down under where, amongst other things, I made a major start on a play I have been commissioned to write!
It's a murder mystery and AI is one of the suspects but did they do it? You'll find out around September or October when it will be performed in Singapore but until then let this picture of Margaret River in Southwest Australia fill your heart because I’m afraid I’m about to crush it with today's story.
Part of a holiday for me is a chance to catch up on films, TV and books that I simply don't have enough time for the rest of the year and, like 99% of people with a Netflix subscription apparently, I binged ‘Adolescence’. For anyone who didn’t catch the hype it's a four-part British drama about a teenager accused of murdering his female classmate. The implication is that he was radicalised by the online manosphere and/or pornography. Each episode is filmed in a single shot and it is one of the most powerful arguments for why Britain should focus on becoming the world leader in arts, culture and entertainment.
I myself have skirted around the edge of the manosphere. A few years ago, when he was still somewhat moderate, I found some Jordan Peterson lectures online quite intriguing. The role of men in a society that no longer needs or values traditional masculinity is an important topic and he had some interesting perspectives. But I remember at the time, after just a couple of videos the algorithm started pushing me towards some pretty unsavory content by so-called 'manfluencers' touting a monastic existence purged of women and in pursuit of money...so I dropped off. I like women more than I like money so they didn't have much to offer me. However, since my initial encounter the manosphere has exploded and with it concerns about how it is impacting young men growing up online without enough real-world interaction to balance what they are watching with what they might actually experience.
Why Are Young Men So Angry?
They say depression exists in the gap between expectations and reality. Depression a.k.a. sadness is a primary emotion, anger a secondary emotion that grows from it. Angry men are angry because somewhere inside themselves they are disappointed, depressed or sad. Unfortunately that gap is growing as male expectations of how they should look, what they should earn and - most significantly of all - how women should treat them depart further and further from their lived experience.
The blame is placed mainly on media bogeyman Andrew Tate, his brother and others of their ilk - jacked up, cigar-smoking, Hennessy-quaffing, supercar-driving, designer-wearing, anger-spouting “Chads” who have become role models for young men who look around themselves and wonder why they don't have it all and who’s to blame.
Andrew Tate is, unquestionably, a reprehensible human being accused of human trafficking, rape and running an international criminal organisation. He is, arguably, also a product of the times, which are increasingly defined by Donald Trump who dominates the global news agenda and is also an angry bully-boy and criminal enamoured of money that he believes buys him the right to grab women "by the pussy" whenever he wants. But why are young men drawn to these role models in the first place? Here I'd like to refer to Professor Scott Galloway a.k.a. Prof G.
“One of the biggest obstacles men face right now is the most talented, deepest resourced companies in the world, that attract the brightest minds and the most capital and the best technology are all trying to do the same thing - you don't need friends; you got Reddit and Discord. You don't need to go through the humiliation of trying to get a job and buying a suit and showing up on time; trade crypto or stocks on Coinbase or Robin Hood. You don't need to go through the humiliation, the rejection, the perseverance of trying to establish a romantic relationship, going on dates, being funny, trying hard, enduring rejection, following up. Why would you do that? You got YouPorn.”
Professor Scott Galloway
Essentially the virtual world is too convenient to resist. And I get it. Back in the mid-00s I was devastated by the end of a seven year relationship. A business trip to Las Vegas happened to coincide with the ‘Adult Entertainment Expo’ and I knew a guy who knew a guy who was one of the organisers, so I got free tickets and a giant bag of hardcore porn DVDs as a souvenir! This stuff was much harder than anything I had seen before broadband but who is going to turn down free porn? So, I took it home and before long I couldn't sleep without watching a few scenes before bed. Scenes that had disgusted me at first but soon became de rigueur and would now be considered vanilla compared to what's freely available online.
Porn distorts expectations. It makes it seem like every woman wants to have athletic, aggressive sex with any man, or men, at all times, and I do mean every woman. You could watch porn videos back to back for years and never see the same woman twice. Most porn does not feature 'porn stars' but anonymous amateurs, creating the impression that every woman is a potential porn star so, when a woman in real life refuses to perform like one, it feels like a personal insult. Porn makes men feel entitled to do what they want with any woman and that expectation is only going to grow with the introduction of AI companions.
Are Girlfriends Electric?
The other day I was served this ad from companion app Replika.ai, which is what inspired this whole post.
I went to Facebook's Ad Library to check it was even real (it is), and I found these by the same company.
I sent the first ad to some female friends of mine for their reaction and the first one to respond simply wrote:
“Yuck, just...yuck.”
It's pretty clear what these ads are implying: we have virtual women waiting for you who will never say no and will do whatever you want. This will explode the gap between expectations and reality into a unbridgeable chasm that will only lead to more male anger when real women turn out not to be as pliable as fake ones.
Interestingly the founder and CEO of Replika is a woman, Eugenia Kudya. Like most tech CEO's she’s on record saying, "AI companions could either be the cure to our loneliness epidemic … or humanity's final downfall", but she's ploughing ahead anyway motivated by money and hubris rather than a legitimate concern for the needs of society, which leads me to an extremely sensitive topic; the role of women in male loneliness, anger and online radicalisation.
What Is The Role of Women in Male Radicalisation?
Let me state up front, loud and clear that no woman owes any man attention, affection or sex and no man has any right to assume or demand that from any woman. However, just as we agree that young men are susceptible to male role models online, why would they be any less susceptible to female role models? I have seen many liberals try to make the so-called ‘sex-positive’ argument for the likes of Lily Phillips and Bonnie Blue online but I don't think it stands up and here’s why.
If you don't know her, Lily Phillips is euphemistically called an 'OnlyFans model' but became mainstream famous after sleeping with 101 men in 24 hours and documenting it, including the aftermath - a stinking room covered in condoms and ejaculate and her crying over the emotional toll of it all.
Despite the obvious emotional strain she quickly vowed to attempt 1,000 men in a day but was beaten to the punch by fellow ‘OnlyFans model’ Bonnie Blue, who claimed to have slept with 1057 men in 12 hours just a few weeks later (that's 40 seconds per man if you're curious). But Bonnie was infamous before this for:
Attending Spring Break in Cancun, Mexico, where she publicly expressed her intent to engage with "barely legal" college students and teenage girls.
Asking a fast food worker for sex as part of a stunt, leading to widespread criticism and accusations of exploitation.
Sleeping with a student and his father and targeting college-aged men and their families for her content.
Promoting sexual encounters with "barely legal" individuals during Schoolies Week, an event for graduating high school students that got her Australian visa revoked.
When promoting their exploits on social media, which is neither age-gated nor paywalled, they refer to "being run through" and having their "guts rearranged" by queues of men who wait outside rooms to have their go.
How is it possible that young, Internet addicted men can be radicalised by the likes of Andrew Tate but, apparently, completely unaffected by the words and actions of these women who openly ask to be treated like pieces of meat? This is not sex-positive feminism, this is self-objectification entirely for the male gaze driven by a patriarchy that still, fundamentally, defines a woman's worth through her fuckability. And if we liberals and progressives aren't capable of having a mature, open conversation about this, setting moral boundaries and calling out destructive behaviours, we will once again cede the moral high ground to the far right who will rescind the rights of all women in retribution for the actions of an extreme few.
If it is acceptable, even encouraged, to condemn the speech and actions of men who are making the world more dangerous for women online, in the name of equality and the true meaning of feminism, the same should apply to women who do it too.
To Do List
My recommendations for new things to read, watch, look at, listen to and do:
As part of my research for this piece I read two incredible posts, one by Prof G and one by Caitlin Flanagan, both about the impact of porn, which I believe the be the single most damaging influence on young men right now:
Musically my new obsession is the melodic noise of LA-based Lone Kodiak whom I just discovered via their brilliant debut album ‘If We Have A Future’.
On the plane back from Aus I watched Hugh Grant helmed horror ‘Heretic’ and Northern Irish hip-hop biopic ‘Kneecap’ both of which were brilliant (well, after 3 or 4 gin & tonics they were), and obviously you should watch Adolescence. Right, that’ll do ya! Cheers, N
Ok, but please, as I always suggest on these topics...
THINK BIGGER
https://www.tannytalk.com/s/peace
By leaping over the usual gender related conversations, and by thinking bigger, we might have a shot at a 95% reduction in violence world wide, and vast new resources made available for constructive purposes.